Because your work space needs to be clear at the end of the day, people are faced with the option of filing paper, carrying it with them, or throwing it away.

This is an actual subject line from a real spam e-mail:

Because your work space needs to be clear at the end of the day, people are faced with the option of filing paper, carrying it with them, or throwing it away.

Hiden Program in Win 2000+:

1. Click "Start"
2. Click "Run"
3. Type in "eudcedit"
4. The program that pops up is a hidden font editor that lets you create your own fonts and characters to use in other programs like MS Word.

---

Quotations of the Day:

• I often quote myself. It adds spice to my conversation. - George Bernard Shaw
  Economics is extremely useful as a form of employment for economists. - John Kenneth Galbraith
• The whole dream of democracy is to raise the proletarian to the level of stupidity attained by the bourgeois. - Gustave Flaubert
• Philosophers say a great deal about what is absolutely necessary for science, and it is always, so far as one can see, rather naive, and probably wrong. - Richard Feynman
• You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty. - Sacha Guitry
• Eat a live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day. - Unknown

The end.

Generic Christmas List Post

Here are some suggested gifts for Christmas, divided into three four lists. (Some items may be on more than one list)

1. Gifts which I know I won't receive unless someone just won the lottery:
Motorized vehicular transportation device
XBox360, Wii, DS Light, or PS3 (in descending order of preference, too much space would be taken up trying to explain)
1080p equipment (video recorder or TV/Projector)
Portable DVD Player
Archos 404 Camcorder, 604 WiFi, AV 500, or Gmini 402 Camcorder.
2. My moderately-priced list (Some items may become very pricey or very cheap)
DS Lite
Halo 2 or 3
Green/Blue Laser Pointers (http://www.extremelasers.com/)
Snakes on a Plane DVD or Soundtrack
Archos 404 Camcorder, 604 WiFi, AV 500, or Gmini 402 Camcorder.
Portable DVD Player
Fable 2 (May not be released yet)
3. Free to CD/DVD expensive
Ted Leo and the Pharmacists CDs
The Doors I
Pre Dark Side of the Moon Floyd
Blur oyster Cult
More than a feeling
Techno remixes of Rock music or other techno
Red laser pointer
World peace
More Harmony
4. Surprise Me
http://www.sodafinder.com/
Any random music you think I might like
Something completely random and unexpected

Why did they kill Mr. Pibb?

Click the link, it will take you to soda heaven.

Message FromBen Stein:

Here is an e-mail I got from my sister. She acknowledges that I do not like these messages, yet she sends me on anyways, free of charge. Note the attempt to replicate the cutesy fonts and formatting.

I thought that this was kind of cool and insightful and true. I know
that you may not like it when I pass stuff other than what I wrote along, but I think that this was a good message to send out.
C*****

Message From Ben Stein:

If they know of him at all, many folks think Ben Stein is just a quirky actor/comedian who talks in a monotone. He's also a very intelligent attorney who knows how to put ideas and words together in such a way as to sway juries and make people think clearly.

---

The following was written by Ben Stein and recited by him on CBS Sunday Morning Commentary Herewith at this happy time of year, a few confessions from my beating heart: I have no freaking clue who Nick and Jessica are. I see them on the cover of People and Us constantly when I am buying my dog biscuits and kitty litter. I often ask the checkers at the grocery stores. They never know who Nick and Jessica are either. Who are they? Will it change my life if I know who they are and why they have broken up? Why are they so important?I do not know who Lindsay Lohan is either, and I do not care at all about Tom Cruise's wife.Am I going to be called before a Senate committee and asked if I am a subversive? Maybe, but I just have no clue who Nick and Jessica are.If this is what it means to be no longer young. It's not so bad.

Next confession: I am a Jew, and every single one of my ancestors was Jewish. And it does not bother me even a little bit when people call those beautiful lit up, bejeweled trees Christmas trees. I don't feel threatened. I don' t feel discriminated against. That's what they are: Christmas trees.It doesn't bother me a bit when people say, "Merry Christmas" to me. I don't think they are slighting me or getting ready to put me in a ghetto. In fact, I kind of like it. It shows that we are all brothers and sisters celebrating this happy time of year. It doesn't bother me at all that there is a manger scene on display at a key intersection near my beach house in Malibu. If people want a creche, it's just as fine with me as is the Menorah a few hundred yards away.I don't like getting pushed around for being a Jew, and I don't think Christians like getting pushed around for being Christians. I think people who believe in God are sick and tired of getting pushed around, period. I have no idea where the concept came from that America is an explicitly atheist country. I can't find it in the Constitution, and I don't like it being shoved down my throat. Or maybe I can put it another way: where did the idea come from that we should worship Nick and Jessica and we aren't allowed to worship God as we understand Him? I guess that's a sign that I'm getting old, too. But there are a lot of us who are wondering where Nick and Jessica came from and where the America we knew went to.

In light of the many jokes we send to one another for a laugh, this is a little different: This is not intended to be a joke; it's not funny, it's intended to get you thinking.Billy Graham's daughter was interviewed on the Early Show and Jane Clayson asked her "How could God let something like this Happen?" (regarding Katrina) Anne Graham gave an extremely profound and insightful response. She said, "I believe God is deeply saddened by this, just as we are, but for years we've been telling God to get out of our schools, to get out of our government and to get out of our lives. And being the gentleman He is, I believe He has calmly backed out. How can we expect God to give us His blessing and His protection if we demand He leave us alone?" In light of recent events...terrorists attack, school shootings, etc. I think it started when Madeleine Murray O'Hare (she was murdered, her body found recently) complained she didn't want prayer in our schools, and we said OK. Then someone said you better not read the Bible in school. The Bible says thou shalt not kill, thou shalt not steal, and love your neighbor as yourself. And we said OK.Then Dr. Benjamin Spock said we shouldn't spank our children when they misbehave because their little personalities would be warped and we might damage their self-esteem (Dr. Spock's son committed suicide). We said an expert should know what he's talking about and we said OK.Now we're asking ourselves why our children have no conscience, why they don't know right from wrong, and why it doesn't bother them to kill strangers, their classmates, and themselves.Probably, if we think about it long and hard enough, we can figure it out. I think it has a great deal to do with "WE REAP WHAT WE SOW."Funny how simple it is for people to trash God and then wonder why the world's going to hell. Funny how we believe what the newspapers say, but question what the Bible says. Funny how you can send 'jokes' through e-mail and they spread like wildfire but when you start sending messages regarding the Lord, people think twice about sharing.Funny how lewd, crude, vulgar and obscene articles pass freely through cyberspace, but public discussion of God is suppressed in the school and workplace. Are you laughing?Funny how when you forward this message, you will not send it to many on your address list because you're not sure what they believe, or what they will think of you for sending it.Funny how we can be more worried about what other people think of us than what God thinks of us. Pass it on if you think it has merit. If not then just discard it... no one will know you did. But, if you discard this thought process, don't sit back and complain about what bad shape the world is in.

I thought that it would be more effective to post this to my blog than to e-mail it to my address book, which is filled with no-replies@zxc.com anyways.

PS: Sorry for the excess length caused by the formatting.

OSU v. Michigan (The Second Time)

Remember last years' Beat Michigan post? Anyway, here's to another OSU win. 42-39. Close. That's all I can say. I might actually update this post once I have the time.

One.

Nothing much to say... our marching band swept the board with 1's at states (1=Superior, 2=excellent,...,5=disastrous). indoor Band is statring soon and I can finally say Tim Jackson!

Care

All I can say...

Look at all those members!

This is a real warning I encountered in a video game.

WARNING!

This game contains animated graphic violence that may not be suitable for small children, the elderly, pregnant women, or students in close proximity to a teacher. Do not play this game if you have a tendency to copy everything you see, or even worse risk getting this website banned from the school network. Do not attempt any stunts performed within this game. If you do manage to find a Heckler Koch UMP45 and spot a green-headed bug creature pop out of the ground right in front of you, do not engage it in combat. Chances are you may have been slipped some hallucinogenic drugs and the weapon you are supposedly holding may in fact be a shoe or something else just as equally mundane and unfireable.

All characters within this game are fictional and any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental. Any resemblance to persons living or dead is extremely unlikely, so if you happen to find somebody with green skin and antennae who communicates in a language of squeaks and squelches, please contact me, as I would be very interested in meeting them.

Finally, this game is copyright by Damien Clarke, and cannot be reproduced without permission.
If you do ask my permission, then we may talk.

That's all for now.

PS: Winter Percussion is starting to magnify soon

If you are easily offended, do not read this post

Apparently, I am no longer allowed to mention the winner of the 2006 DCI multi-tenor championships, because he is a "bad influence" on the band, even though it was s tuba player who stepped over the line and incurred a .1 point penalty. Besides, of the best tenor player in the world has graduated from your high school, how can he be a bad influence??

Quotes

Quotes.... What to do with all the quotes???

Quotes...
Crazy quotes...
They go to my head;
And follow me to my bed.
There they reside,
Corrugated cardboard by their side.
Now I hide.
That is all.
For now:
I wonder how,
Until I come to the waterfall.

Oh, those crazy quotes! (c) 2006 Chris Matlak

The Most Insane Table Ever? That's Ka-Blamo!

These better work

Two Things

Two Four things happened to me today. First, I had a good test in a class. Later and second, I tries to program a javascript into Blogger, but it cannot handle JavaScript. I'll probably update this one later, when I remember what the two things really are. Third, my calculator crashed, and I lost about 200 lines of code, which really bites because I cannot find the old copy of the program. Maybe this is a good thing, so I can make sense of the myriad array of variables and condense them. Finally, I had to write a Haiku for Biology class. It went like this:

Atom want to share.

Forces attract over there;

Covalent bond form!

The End.

The Simpsons

w00t!

Windows Crashes - Live on CNN

lol you broke it.

My Chirstmas-in-July wishlist

Music

Pink Floyd

Whis Your Were Here
Early Floyd (pre- Dark Side)

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Led Zeppelins I-III
The Doors

Other

Poker Set
Lava Lamp(s)
Unusual lamp/lights
Laser pointer (green)
Zippo Lighter
ect...

Holy $#!7

Holy $#!7 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Eruption on the violin!!

http://www.bobbyyang.com/video/750kb.htm

PS:- <insert emote here>

Spanish Tranlatin'

I translated

Me llamo Chris. Tengo quince años. Soy de Worthington, OH. Me gusta usar la computadora. Me gusta tocar los tambores también. No me gusta mi hermano porque él es antipático. Soy guapo y alto. Tengo pelo marrón y dos ojos azules. Y llevo anteojos. Soy inteligente y simpático.

into English in Google translate. It translated as

I am called Chris. I am fifteen years old. I am of
Worthington, OH. I like to use the computer. I like to also touch the drums. I do not like my brother because he is unpleasant. I am handsome and high. I have brown hair and two blue eyes. And I take eyeglasses. I am intelligent and
likeable.

It translates better as (differences bolded)

My name is Chris. I am fifteen years old. I am from
Worthington, OH. I like to use the computer. I like to play the drums also. I do not like my brother because he is mean. I am handsome and tall (not high). I have brown
hair and two blue eyes. And I wear eyeglasses. I am intelligent and nice.

That is all.

Blonde's Year in Review

Blonde's Year in Review

1. January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.
2. February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to printlabels.....Hell!!!.....bottles won't fit in typewriter!!!
3. March - Got really excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6months.....box said "2-4 years!"
4. April - Trapped on escalator for hours.....power went out!!!
5. May - Tried to make Kool-Aid.....wrong instructions....8 cups ofwater won't fit into those little packets!!!
6. June - Tried to go water skiing.....couldn't find a lake with aslope.
7. July - Lost breast stroke swimming competition.....learned later, theother swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!
8. August - Got locked out of my car in rain storm.....car swampedbecause soft-top was open.
9. September - The capital of California is "C".....isn't it???
10. October - Hate M &M's.....they are so hard to peel.
11. November - Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days.....instructions said 1hour per pound and I weigh 108!!!
12. December - Couldn't call 911....."du".....there's no "eleven"button on the stupid phone!!!

What a year!!

Dart Test

I got this in an e-mail…




Dart Test...
THIS IS A POWERFUL MESSAGE. PLEASE READ ALL OF IT. I AM PASSING IT ON BECAUSE I AM CERTAINLY NOT ASHAMED TO DO SO.
In light of the many jokes we send to one another for a laugh, this is a little different: This is not intended to be a joke, it's not funny, it's intended to get you thinking..............

Dart Test...
A young lady named Sally, relates an experience she had in a seminary class, given by her teacher, Dr. Smith. She says that Dr. Smith was known for his elaborate object lessons. One particular day, Sally walked into the seminary and knew they were in for a fun day. On the wall was a big target and on a nearby table were many darts. Dr. Smith told the students to draw a picture of someone that they disliked or someone who had made them angry, and he would allow them to throw darts at the person's picture. Sally's friend drew a picture of who had stolen her boyfriend. A! nother f riend drew a picture of his little brother. Sally drew a picture of a former friend, putting a great deal of detail into her drawing, even drawing pimples on the face. Sally was pleased with the overall effect she had achieved. The class lined up and began throwing darts. Some of the students threw their darts with such force that their targets were ripping apart!
Sally looked forward to her turn, and was filled with disappointment when Dr. Smith, because of time limits, asked the students to return to their seats. As Sally sat thinking about how angry she was because she didn't have a chance to throw any darts at her target. Dr. Smithbegan removing the target from the wall. Underneath the target was a picture of Jesus.
A hush fell over the room as each student viewed the mangled picture of Jesus; holes and jagged marks covered His face and His eyes were pierced. Dr. Smithsaid only these words... "In as much as ye have done it unto the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto Me." Matthew 25:40. No other words were necessary; the tears filled eyes of the students focused only on the picture of Christ.
This is some pass-it-on stuff:

This is an easy test; you score 100 or zero. It's your choice. If you aren't ashamed to do this, please follo! w the di rections. Jesus said, "If you are ashamed of me, I will be ashamed of you, before My Father." Not ashamed ... pass this on. Ashamed ... delet e it. Isn't it funny how simple it is for people to trash God and then wonder why the world's going to hell. Isn't it funny how we believe what the newspapers say, but question what the Bible says. Isn't it funny how everyone wants to go to heaven provided they do not have to believe, think, say, or do anything the Bible says. Or is it scary? Isn't it funny how someone can say "I believe in God" but still follow Satan (who, by the way, also "believes" in God ). Isn't it funny how you can send a thousand jokes through e-mail and! they spread like wildfire, but when you start sending messages regarding the Lord, people think twice about sharing. Isn't it funny how the lewd, crude, vulgar and obscene pass freely through cyberspace, but the public discussion of Jesus is suppressed in the school and workplace. Isn't it funny how someone can be so fired up for Christ on Sunday, but be an invisible Christian the rest of the week. Are you laughing? Isn't it funny how when you go to forward this message, you will not send it to many on your address list because you're not sure what they believe, or what they will think of you for sending it to them. Isn't it funny how I can be more worried about what other people think of me than what God thinks of me. Will YOU pass this on? ... I did
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